Pregnancy

It is probably the most terrifying word for me right now.

It is.

Oh, I have a lot of reason why;

1. Can't bear pregnancy blues, from the morning sickness, to the back pain, to the hormones and dark spot around your neck, it just ugly. *Le sigh
2. Won't feel the awkward feeling of contraction until the delivery time with all the doctor & the nurses starring at my bottom. It's like i want to kick them but i need them to get the baby out, and get it over with!!! 
3. The short-age distance between my first and second children is definitely handful. Both are in high demand of attention from their mother.
4. Which, of course, affected my work, my social life, my "me time" until maybe they're 5 years above. (
5. Nanny's are b*tch, Nanny's are b*tch, Nanny's are b*tch. (There i said it)
6. I had my mom busy enough because of helping me out about this children, I think she'll literally leave me if i give her another grandchild. (haha...)
7. This never ending guilty feeling of leaving kids for work, and leaving works for kids are like BESTFRIEND, it never leave my side! -_____-"
8. I can't wait to go on holiday with them without the exhaustion of making milk, tantrums, stroller, but really enjoying "our" holiday and both parents and kids are having fun. Not the part where kids are having "fun" while mom & dad are busy chasing over them. Note: IT IS NOT SELFISHNESS. It is equality. (Rrrrrrr…)
9. I want to sleep in my bed with my husband and the kids in their own room. (Yeppp, they still sleep with us)
10. I come to conclusion, that I am not a good enough mother for these two beautiful children i have right now, been selfish sometimes, not taking good care enough of them. Imagine how much bad it is, if i had to had another one??!!! Fiuuuuuuhhhhh…

Sincerely,

Desperate Mommy 

*special-edition*

Oh, just a silly BETRAYAL that GOT me

Well, hello there…

I can tell you first that this April, didn't go well AT ALL for me.

Started with my new food business that got my attention from kids and my job on the radio. First week was so hectic that i am so thankful for having good nannies at home to take care of my kids & clean up the house.

But, just when you needed the most, things got ugly. 

4th of April, both nannies ask permission to go to their hometown for 2 days, it is April 14th when i wrote this and none of them were back. 

I try to texted and called their cellphones but no respond, until i called their agent and finally realise, that they're absolutely not worthy of my time, or to keep.

But of course this doesn't come easy, i cursed and cursed and cursed all the time for what they did to me. I can't stop to think what did i done wrong, because as far as i can see, i've been nothing but very understanding and kind to them. 

I stop questioning the minute i talk to them from their agent and hear all their different and too illusive reasons, which for me, and they also know, just make them looked even more worst.

Everyone who knows me, knows, that i have been such an EXCELLENT employer for them. (if there's any nomination for that pfffff!).

Now I feel sorry for them. They're just irrational teenagers.

To be honest it really stressed me out when they leave, because at that time i was in my BUSIEST wee..

My husband had a business trip for 5 days, so i got to handle 2 job on the go, 2 kids to drive too schools, and a house with messy toys everywhere.

I never felt betrayed like this before by my assistant, that i even had to say; "Allah know what i did to them", and i am 100% sure they feel it too. I just wish a better treat. A better resignation as a person. That's all that hurts me. They dumped me JUST like that! ck!

But, it's ok now, i have said what i need to say to them.

After that, they tried to call me several times but i just so tired to hear anything about them, so i let them eat their words, and feel miserable every time they remember, that they selfishness had lost me.

Now, after a week full of feeling sick of them, and gotten really sick literally, i decided to put my pieces together. 

AND…

Of course, who else would've been so supportive at times like this, if it wasn't your OWN MOTHER and loving husband. But i'm not gonna thank them in the same page with these 2 silly assistants. We'll get to that part later. ;)

END OF STORIES, i just want to say, to all young moms out there, suffers because of their nannies, let us raise our glass, and show those sick assistants, THIS IS NOT GONNA BREAK US!! ;p

*cheers*